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Home > People tend to mean, ONLY what they say.

People tend to mean, ONLY what they say.

September 27th, 2006 at 04:51 pm

In other words, I and many others should stop reading into comments, and or compliments.

I know a girl (ok lots of girls) who is (are) upset because someone told her "you look really nice today"

Now common, how about your wedding day, when everyone said 'wow' did you take that as an insult on your daily wear? of course not, and no way you should spend every day in a wedding dress, or the equvalent. you look nice today means nothing less than you look nice.

How about

They said: "I have too high of standards for homeschooling"
you think " so my standards are not high enough?

They actually prolly meant they do not feel confident enough to meet their own standards....maybe they also think you do a lousy job, but I doubt it...anyway who are you teaching for, them or your kids?

They said "that dress is nice, is it new?"
you think, what all the old stuff is bad? or I never wear anything new?

What they meant was "nice new, dress...."

They said "are you losing weight?"
you think "should I be?"

what they meant "you look thiner" no offense, no implied need to do so..just fact...

They said: "MMM this is good, this you should cook again!"

you think..so my normal food you do not want me to cook?

What they meant.."This is good, I would like it more....."

They say "I would never pay that much for that!"
you think, so I am an idiot for paying?

What they meant "I am not into that, not my splurge area"

They say "I could never afford to live there"
you think "what so you think I am rich? I gotta prove you wrong!"

What they meant "I do not think I could live there on what I make (regardless of how it compares to yours)

Now there are exceptions, and people who are really rude..but not as many as we make up!

Posted in Complaint department | 5 Comments »

5 Responses to “People tend to mean, ONLY what they say.”

  1. Bookie Says:
    September 27th, 2006 at 07:05 pm 1159383905
    1159383905

    You highlight the common tendency to look for negative implications in positive comments, which is one of the ways we engage in self-sabotage. Find some way to poison even the sweetest of offerings, and you are guaranteed to be miserable. And don't we all do it? I like your reminder that people mean only what people say, not what I may darkly suspect they are hinting.

    I'd take it even further. I come from a family in which emotional blackmail is a common mode of manipulation. Early on, I determined that I would avoid getting sucked in by staying on the surface, responding to the overt message and ignoring the subtext. Today, I don't react to negative inputs, and it makes my emotional life so much simpler.

    Good topic and good thoughts. Thank you.

  2. Broken Arrow Says:
    September 27th, 2006 at 10:59 pm 1159397963
    1159397963

    Just exactly what ARE you trying to say, Bookie? Wink

  3. Broken Arrow Says:
    September 27th, 2006 at 11:00 pm 1159398049
    1159398049

    That I look fat in this dress? Hmm? Big Grin

  4. princessperky Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 01:53 am 1159408424
    1159408424

    Heh Smile, I notice life runs smoother when you worry less about what people 'meant'

  5. baselle Says:
    September 28th, 2006 at 02:26 am 1159410379
    1159410379

    I had several people wanting to compliment me on the fact that I lost weight but were afraid to. Hey, I know I lost weight!

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