I just got back from a visit with the relatives, many of whom follow the 'everyone else is doing it' theory. So I felt the need to rant.
Don't get me wrong if I see someone doing something good I might borrow it. I am after all on here to find new ways save from 'anyone else'. And I do the same with parenting issues, I watch and learn or ask and learn.
BUT
I do not do ANYTHING just because everyone else does. I do not take any and all government money, I do not let my kids drink pop any old time (very rarely yes, daily, weekly, no) I also do not let them eat hot dogs any time they want or watch TV nonstop...I don't care if 'EVERYONE' else does it. We care what We feel, and research often backs, as best for our kids.
What kind of example would I be setting for my kids if I caved to adult peer pressure? How could I punish them for doing 'what everyone else is' if I myself do 'what all the other people do'...this doesn't mean I have to go out of my way to be different. It just means that with money, health, education, and discipline we follow the best method we can. If the rest of the world wants to live beneath their means, switch to whole wheat, avoid high fructose corn syrup, home school, de-clutter, etc. we still would as well.
I am not every one else....
October 1st, 2007 at 02:54 pm
October 1st, 2007 at 03:11 pm 1191251478
Just curious ... what did your relatives do that you found objectionable?
My DH and I make prudent decisions in the best interest of our family (we live in area with great public schools, yet we want the values of a Catholic education on a daily basis) and we get a lot of flack from relatives with no kids about our choices. While I think homeschooling is a good option for some, definitely not for all.
I am a SAHM and we have managed to invest well and have one rental property and are looking to acquire two more in the next 12-15 months. We can pay for our own emergencies (car repairs, etc) without running to relatives (wealthy parents). Any gifts we receive, monetarily, they go right into our IRAs or prepaid tuition.
I have a brother and a best friend who are both single and can't take care of themselves (might I add they are both college educated (bro is a lawyer) and in their late 30s and early 40s). I deal with comments like, "You will be driving this minivan to your son's college graduation" (DS is 2 - minivan is 10 years old but DH is an avid car enthusiast and has a '73 Vette that is appreciating in value double what we paid for it 7 years ago) and we will be on food stamps if our "tribe" continues to grow. (Mind you, we have four)
I am a bit fed up with my "loved ones" BUT am very glad that I don't indulge every whim (bro drives a LEXUS he can't afford and best friend went on an Alaskan cruise paid for on credit card presently at 29% rate because of default) How does the saying go ... those who live in glass houses ...
October 1st, 2007 at 03:12 pm 1191251547
Oh, yeah, we definetely aren't every one else, either!
October 1st, 2007 at 03:33 pm 1191252789
Their are many things we do 'wrong' according to the relatives, but the short version of how silly the 'everyone else' rule is, would be hair, my husband has long hair too, and the line '8000 people would tell you to cut it' is supposed to make him care....
Oh well, so long as I can rant here and no one complains if I comment 'but only we matter' on the hair and other decisions life will go on...
Madhaus90 I didn't mean to imply that everyone should do it 'our way' any more than I should do it 'the normal way'...hope it didn't come off to much like that. I think as long as everyone is making the best decisions for their own individual situations than most mistakes will be avoided...or at least they will be 'oops' not 'duh'! I know I have already made a few myself!
October 1st, 2007 at 05:03 pm 1191258212
October 1st, 2007 at 07:48 pm 1191268093
Perky Princess, I think I mis-interpreted the jist of your post - I think the point I was trying to make is it seems that everyone out there has an opinion and usually feel justified in sharing it.
I have a husband who shaves his head bald - his mother laments and coomments continually on it (the loss of his beautiful hair) So what, it is his head, get over it!
If your husband has long hair, good for him. I love that we are all individuals.
We have four kids and want more. That is always a big one for our relatives to comment on.
So as long as we all happy and healthy and take care of ourselves, what does it matter?
October 1st, 2007 at 08:15 pm 1191269749
I guess I am more confused, or maybe it is amused, by the "I don't let my kids eat hot dogs all the time and/or anytime they want" What the . . . . . . . I can honestly say I have NEVER heard that one before.
October 1st, 2007 at 11:14 pm 1191280456
Honestly I am very low key, most folk can't figure out why our kids don't share the fruit punch...(cause it is sugar water), or eat more than 2 cookies (empty calories) most folk don't want to know, so I tend not to tell them.
Madhus90..see you can't win
October 2nd, 2007 at 12:06 am 1191283614
October 2nd, 2007 at 01:21 am 1191288076
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:07 pm 1191362878
When (if) I have kids, I plan to raise them much like you have. Smart, healthy weirdos--I want a flock of 'em! :-P
October 3rd, 2007 at 04:26 pm 1191428803
Can you say live and let live?
How about "judgemental?"
I was so fortunate to have a mother-in-law who never said anything negative to me about my choices with my children. I'm sure she had to bite her tongue a lot, but that is what your relatives should do too.
They got to raise their children as they wanted. You should too.
I don't like hot dogs, and we don't have them very often at my house, and we do try to watch the "high fructose corn syrup" and such also.
I don't blame you for ranting. Who wants to be like everyone else anyway?
As Dave Ramsey says, "Live like no one else, so later you can live like no one else."
October 4th, 2007 at 07:25 pm 1191525935
What's the major win in attacking or criticizing what one hasn't tried or even tried to understand, anyway? Why is that behaviour so common in family get-togethers?
We could perhaps ask each other: "I wouldn't ordinarily think of doing ______. How did you arrive at doing so, and what benefits have you reaped from it?"
October 5th, 2007 at 02:24 pm 1191594251