Home > Common myths about staying home.

Common myths about staying home.

May 21st, 2007 at 06:04 pm

1.You have to be rich to afford one parent to stay home. Actually no, we all need enough for food and shelter, then we spend what is left on other things….in our case with careful planning there is enough to go on trips to DC and museums and science centers, and more but I would be home regardless, so long as there is food on the table and shelter, I stay home, the rest is further down the priority list. If you are putting anything above staying home besides food and shelter, than just be honest, it isn’t that you can’t afford it, it is that you choose other things first.

2.The wife has to stay unless you are nursing (and even then you would pump to leave the kid at daycare, just pump to leave them with Dad) There is no particular reason for mom to stay over dad, that is purely a personality issue. Pick the one most likely to play all day. (As opposed to cleaner or teacher see next myth) (though you also need to make sure the one working has a salary that covers the food and shelter)

3. All you do is clean and teach Are you kidding that’s what the kids are for! What do you think they do while I type up silly lists! (Actually they nap, oldest is goofing off, quietly) However, if you do not like talking to kids for significant stretches of time, if you do not enjoy watching a child discover reading, or flowers, or bugs, or trees, if you cannot stand the thought of changing diapers and reviewing proper teeth brushing techniques yet again, if hearing a person chew with their mouth gaping open after being told to close it for the millionth time makes you lose your lunch (anybody got a cure for adult relatives with this problem?), if hearing a story about a giant truck for the tenth time makes your blood boil, and the thousand ‘kids’ who eat a googolplex eggs, etc. then kids might not be in your best future whether you stay home or not. If you do chose to stay, and you are about to smash something…. send them off to play with something and go take a break, no one said it was even good for kids to be interacted with 24/7…they need time alone to process. Not only naps, but also time to play while adults err, clean Smile (Or maybe something more interesting, but common, cleaning does need to be done sometime)

4. Children need other children unless you live on a remote location with only you your spouse and kid, they will get other interactions, many much more useful than a room full of same age kids. No offense intended to the 3 year olds in the world, but well lets face it, they are in the minority…most of the people in the world are over 3, and most adults spend their time with older people, so knowing how to get along with a 3 year is a rather limited skill that my 3 year old doesn’t have to learn. (Her big bro never did, she on the other hand is very social) I would like to suggest the opposite of this is true, children need to spend more time with a variety of people of all ages, and less with their age-mate peers. will all get sick at the same time while I have not done nor seen a fancy medical study, I have heard from many stay home families and all out the house families….if one kid gets sick they all do, in or out of the house, the common cold is common for a reason. Misc, genetic traits and hand washing habits can help, but the short version is, unless you quarantine a kid you all are going to get it (and who wants to quarantine a kid with the sniffles…. poor bored kid)

6. One parent home equals always home, how boring yes it certainly would be! Fortunately this myth is easily disproved, pick up a copy of available classes at a large library (nature center, science center, museum, whatever), check out how many are during normal ‘working hours’ who do you think goes to them? Yep, houseparents. We are not always home, and the degree of home or out is totally up to the individual parenting style/personality.

7.And I am saving the best for last home kids are healthier/sicker, watch more/less tv, get sick more/less, smarter/slower, clingier/more independent, more mental health issues/less…etc truthfully, the studies I have seen for either side of any of the above(and you can find an expert or two million on each side, for or against) showed mostly the same….like the drink being oh so proud of 56%…really home or away it is still up to the adults in charge, whether that is mostly mom or dad, or well chosen care givers (or not so well chosen) kids are a product of their interactions (and lack therof) Until the age of ‘formal education’ home or away, kids statistically average about the same. (And if you want to talk myths of home education, well that is a whole “nother kettle o’ fish”, but in short

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7 Responses to “Common myths about staying home.”

  1. fairy74 Says:

    very interesting! thanks for sharing Smile

  2. monkeymama Says:

    Good Post.

    #1 is my pet peeve with people. We all make choices.

    #2 - obviously I jive with. I nursed my first 100% for a year while working - pumps are the most amazingly freeing contraption for women since birth control. Wink But I am not sure I Would have been so gung ho about the role reversal thing if I couldn't have pumped. Breastfeeding was important to me. Anyway, the most ironic thing is I always expected a lot of flack and criticism that my spouse stays home, but it really only comes from one person - his mother. She thinks it is the most horrible thing ever based on some stereotypes, though clearly we are happier and better for it because he wanted to stay home and I didn't. He's better with the kids and I make more money. Why be miserable in the name of societal norms?

    #7 is spot-on. Pigeon-holed stereotypes. Good parenting is so much more than silly labels and stereotypes.

    Oh hey - but what I really wanted to say was you forgot one. I just heard a convo the other day that children do not learn work ethics from parents who stay home (huh?). & the other one was that SAHPs contribute nothing productive to society, or something along those lines. I am just not sure when working 9-5 became the only worthy and productive thing to do in life. What total and utter and BS. & I am sure retirees and independently wealthy people who give to their community are just worthless then. ???????? & you know, the kids, who needs to teach them morals and values and all that? Yeah, what a waste of time. *rolling eyes*

  3. princessperky Says:

    Oh my I did hear once that a woman felt useless if all she did was stay home...I didn't think of it as widespread though...wishful thinking on my part I guess.

  4. monkeymama Says:

    Actually, this was a man - LOL. But my mom stayed home and my family taught me the importance of a work ethic, it is BIG in my family, so the first thing I thought was how totally ludicrous!

  5. mom-from-missouri Says:

    You left out the one about watching soaps all day long, and having plenty of time to be on every committee because we "don't work"

  6. Broken Arrow Says:

    Haha, interesting list.

  7. Gailete Says:

    It wasn't until after my kids were grown that I finally got to stay home (except for a couple of years where my job was a home day care provider). I am disabled and have many days where I can't do a lot of anything, but I still keep busy and minister to my husband by being here. He loves coming home to a wife that has open ears about his day, loving concern for him and is happy to see him. His home is his sanctuary from a day of hard work. In our fast paced society, many people have forgotten some of the deep down reasons to be 'at home'. They are on the run so much, shipping kids off to day-care, sports, etc. that people have forgotten what a relaxing quiet evening can do for your inward person.

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