This Sunday my pastor mentioned, “There are no guarantees in parenting”. Inwardly I groaned, I whined, and I ranted at God. “But I want one!” I want a guarantee that my children will turn out all right. (And while we are at it, I would like a definition of that ‘all right’!) After a rough week with the kids, I want more than a suggestion to try (believe me I have prolly tried it anyway). I don’t want platonic reassurances, and I certainly don’t want to be told ‘there are no guarantees!”. I like simplicity, and consistency: “do x get result y”. I want proof that it will work. I want assurance that this method, or that method will turn out well-behaved civilized adults, with great money sense, a great spouse, and job they love.

But as the sermon went on, I came to the realization that’s why I need faith, faith that I can do this, faith that they will turn out all right. Faith that God has a plan for them, faith that they wont go to college in diapers or sleep in my bed forever, faith that one day they will dress and feed themselves, even drive themselves (hopefully to work not crazy). With no promise or guarantee I need faith that they will, one day, make good choices in food, health and love.

As I returned home with my family the true test comes. Will renewed faith in God’s plan translate to new tricks and better-behaved children? I doubt it, but I might at least be in a better mood trying!

We dipped chocolate, giggled, laughed and in general had a grand old time. I diudn't meet the total, but I think the tupperware lady at least covered the cost of gas to come see me.

I still have to pick my 'free' stuff. and one possible order.

The kids had the most fun and I found a pink pitcher (littly, toy sized), I am so getting it for JC! I think I might get one for my niece to, she is only one, but it is cute, and might not be there next year.

Early dinner: 5$
Gas to meet: 5$
Snacks at meet: 5$
Chocolate (for me!): 5$

Being there to see friend finish the swim meet: priceless.

(BTW the chocolate is to destress me after having to keep 3 kids entertained at a pool they are NOT allowed to swim in!)

Yesterday I goofed off planning what we could do 'when we add a second story' We have joked about it being cheaper than buying a bigger house, and talked of it, but never serious.

Yesterday I mapped it out, I planned it down to the fixtures int he bathrooms! I counted out feet, placed beds, and made fancy desks to fill the empty space we would generate.

As I drifted off to sleep daydreaming of our huge house, I realized, I was bit by the money bug. I was spending money we didn't have, I was wasting cash on an impossible endevor.

I needed to come back to reality. Reality is we can barely pay our mortgage. (ever notice that starts with 'mort' meaning dead, or death?) and I am not likely to build one more bedroom much less a house full....

We are having chocolate fondu for the party Friday, and I have no recipie!

I hate that, I looked up a few, and aside form all taking some form of liqure they are all different!

Ok so they also all have some chocolate, and some form of milk (heavy cream, sweetened condensed milk, half and half, whatever)Shall I just guess at a good combo?

My name is Princess Perky, and I am a reader. When I read I immerse myself in the book, losing all thought of time. Physical needs like hunger, thirst, and rest are pushed away while much stronger thirst for more of the story demands I slake it.

For the sake of a good book I have neglected self, family, friends, chores, and life. But oddly what is forever etched in my mind as proof of my addiction is the many insults given to strangers or mere acquaintances. While awaiting a bus, in a line, or at a Drs, I can remember countless faces all blurring before me as I tried fruitlessly to wrestle my gaze from the latest book, or even just a waiting room magazine. A conversation was merely a series of battles with the need to read pulling me back to the print. Struggles to dredge up the appropriate questions, or comment on the weather were sandwiched between mental arguments with myself. “Just another minute”, “you can read later”, “don’t look at the words”. I always failed in the end and the person lost to the pull of the print.

You might be thinking a reading addiction is a good thing, we spend millions of dollars a year in America trying to convince people to pick up books, newspapers, even just the directions to a game. But to me, reading is a burning need, not a relaxing treat. Offering me a good book is like offering the town drunk the finest of your vineyards. A waste. The point for an addict is not really the act, but the ability to fulfill the need. A chance to quiet the demanding voice for just a moment. I pore though a book immersing myself in the world some author lovingly created. Ignoring all but the most urgent needs in order to read it now.

Then I finish, the world fades quickly, leaving a sweet aftereffect for a moment. I rush to fill my needs before the hunger is back. An insatiable lust for more reading grows stronger by the minute. By sheer force of will I drink water and focus on physical needs. The gnawing desire to read fills my every waking hour. But I battle it down, accomplishing tasks slowly but steadily. I remind myself the hangover I feel is punishment for my abuse. I force myself to complete simple tasks, all the while fighting the urge to open a new book.

Today again, as I have many times in the past, I commit to ‘sobering up’ I don’t want to go ‘dry’ I never want to truly give up my books. But instead I make childish promises that the next book I‘ll read in chapters, rationing myself in between chores. I devise ingenious ways to hide the book from myself. Or I debate when I will really deserve to reread a book. (this never works with a new book).

But then life happens. My day goes wrong. All my good intentions crumble. I turn to my book declaring, "I need this". At first it is wonderful a relaxation of my guard. I release the demon demanding pleasure and allow it full reign. I immerse myself in the world, devouring word after word at break neck speed. A cushion against the troubles of the day surrounds me.

Then I hear a voice, insistent and repeating. I hear it as if from far away, requesting a drink, or help. I work myself back to the present, pulling myself from the fog to listen to the words. I find a child pressed close to my side, as if by physical contact they can bring me back to them. Fortunately a child’s need lends strength to my will. I wrench myself completely free from the words. I see to the need then in a pause when finished the demon urges me back to the book. Some days I borrow strength from my children’s needs to accomplish other tasks. Or I grab a drink for myself as well as them.

But always the book calls to me. A siren call, sweet and seductive, inviting me to lose myself in a world of no real concern. I can resist for only so long, then, my strength depleted, I return to the book. I sink into the enveloping warmth. The cocoon of fog rises to separate me from the world. It is with no small portion of regret that I succumb to the monster need, knowing it will be ever harder to pull myself from it’s grasp next time.

I actually have one, I mean an updated one, I had one when I was paying off the CC but I thought it was time to redo it without the CC payment on it. And with our auto deposit.

I found out 71% of our monthly aftertax checks goes to bills! Then there is food, and the auto depost, oh and twice a year the insurance on the car, plus once a year the HOA fees. That is a lot of money, and honest we don't use water or electricity or gas like most of our neighbors...we just live in an expensive neighborhood.

From what is left we have to get food and fun and hopefully savings.......Somehow though that small ammount seems nice when I look at not having to pay a CC bill off. I just am having trouble working up the energy to scrimp to pay the mortgage off early. Boy would that free up the budget!

Just what do you get the guy who has everything cheap they may need? The kids made cards, but I think something else aught to go with it. I just have no idea what!

We did magnet pictures last year, whic was cute, but the picture faded, least ours did. I wouldn't mind pictures again, but our printer is almost completly out of ink .

Somehow I don't think some cutesy homade beauty product will work....

I dreamed I went back to college last night. I have no idea why I would do that. I don't work, my career is taking care of the kids. Somehow a degree doesn't help in that situation!

Degrees are great for padding the resume, with no information to go on a prospective employer can look at a string of titles and degrees and hope they actually account for some skills, or at the least some dedication to finish all the tests and stick with the silly rules. (art appriciation is required for a computer degree?)

But my employer? Well my most recent came into the world looking for a warm hug and some milk, right now he would like both..I don't think any number of degrees could let him know how good I am at both!

It was freezing! and whats worse their was wind, not a 'refreshing breeze' a 'chill to the bone wind!'

It was still fun, the kids didn't seem to mind near as much as I did, but I took DD home early, she has no fat to keep her warm and little muscles to use.....

I complain about the pool rules and the cost of the HOA, but I really do like have the opportunity to let the kids swim so often, if I had to drive I would worry about hte cost of gas, but as it is we walk.

We also often pack dinner, and half the time it is cheaper than if I had cooked at home (cheap meals..tuna, pb, ect) about 1/4 the time it is a splurge (pizza ordered) and the other 1/4 it is the same cost as home (chicken patties..) I figure it really averages out, and if I wanted to I could make more cheap, less splurge and have fun while saving on the food bill!

It used to to be a thing about special occassions, you got out the good china. I have fond memories of cleaning up Grandmas china for Thanksgiving (christmas was to many people we got paper disposable) And of my mother using her good setting on rare occassions...I thought it was way cool to be special enough for 'the good china'.

Now I have a kids, plastic reigns supreme! (washable, can't stumache the cost of disposable) But I still have my own version of 'the good....' for guests. We are offering chili for early guests tonight, and we got cans of beans (cause I am hit or miss with dried, didn't want to make guests suffer if I missed!) We are having ice cream and we got caramel and hot fudge sauce and magic shell (you paid how much for a brown concotion of stuff to harden on icecream...the way REAL fudge sauce is supposed to?)

So while I may still stick with plastic bowls company or no, I will offer my version of 'rolling out the red carpet' for the guests...real junk food .

Well not yet, DH's is on Monday..but I never go out, so I should have figured out what I wanted to get him and done it loooong ago, so that it would be shipped in time..

But the thing is I can't figure out what he wants!

I know he is into some miniature game, but I wouldn't know which dude to get him..Or which colors to get paint...and besides it is now to late for mailing..

I know he needs jeans, but I can't buy them, I do know what he wears, but...last pair he bought was eons ago, things may have changed.

He would love some one on one time, but with three kids one who is nursing I can't finangle that... (time or energy)

So I have 4 days to come up with something good..and no way to get to a store...any suggestions?

I use that title alot!

This time I got an order form avon (sunscreen with bug stuff, it works and we love it) and I tottaly forgot I hadn't paid for it, so the poor girl was talking to me for 10 minutes and had to ask "did I leave the reciept in the bag?'

I look like a freeloader trying to get off wiothout paying! I wasn't honest, I just forgot!

I got one of those emails (does everyones inbox overflow with cute things people figured you just HAD to read?)

Anyway this one was about stress reduction, and I noticed how many of them had to do with finances, if your finances arn't botherinmg you, guess life is just less stressfull!

Not to mantion less 'stuff', here are just a few of the more finance/stuff related tips in the list:


6. Simplify and unclutter your life.

7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)

8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.

9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.

10. Take one day at a time.

11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.

12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.

13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.

14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.

15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.

My previous post might have left some teachers feeling like I didn't appriciate them, well many kids need that love and support they can get in school, cause they may not be getting it at home. Public school teachers fill a much needed role, and if I ever have no kids at home to teach plus a huge stack of money I would prolly start an education center..both to teach children and to help adults. I just wanted to put out an appology to any teachers, cause it is a very important job.

The same reason why AA doesn't sell memberships to 'beer of the month club'.

The reason why Jeffery and Nate don't sell out to a payday loan company.

The same reason why I wont start a 'school in my home'.

It just wouldn't make sense!

Soemone recently asked why I don't offer to teach for pay, and it is a reasonable question, I love to teach, and a little extra money never hurt. I even thought about it for a long time, thought up ways to do it, times that would fit my schedule, ways to keep records and all that jazz.

But then I thought, I don't want people to send their kids away to learn! It goes agaisn't the whole theory behind my homeschooling! I know over 90% of you reading this ..(all 30 of you, thanks for being dedicated to wait for a new post!) ..are prolly sending your kids away, or did, or will, or would if you had 'em. It's ok, over 90% of America does too.

I don't

Becasue I spend my morning teaching, when I am working I am teaching, when we rest we learn, when we sleep we get to 'internalize it all', when we play we learn, when we travel we learn, when we wash we learn, when we make icecream, dinner, yogurt, bread, lunch, ....., when we make lists, shop, build something, or break it down, when we have company, stay alone, or decorate, when we worship, when we relax, it is all an opportunity to learn.

This doesn't mean I have some kids who never get free time, on the contrary, much of my reading about 'great famous people' includes the phrase 'time to kill'. That and respnsibility. So my kids have responsibilities, free time, and me....plus a wonderfully supportive father.

I am a bit backwards in many things, my kids are learning more about yeast breads and the bible than about famous Americans of a particular shade of skin. They are learning odd facts about narwals and Nanook before they learn about two mom options or blended families. We know more about reading and dictating than alternate religions, more anout cleaning, and anatomy than 'the n word'....

I don't think any of that is wrong, I just think it can wait..... (well I might pass on ever knowing what 'the n word' is, but it apparently is heavily used in todays schools/sports, so I doubt we can escape.)

No I don't want to start a school in my home, I just want to encourage and help other people decide to teach their own, or at least practice 'living to learn' instead of just 'learning what you need to pass'.

That means I am getting smaller! Doubt if anyone remembers a few months ago when I posted they finally did fit, but now I am even thinner! Course I seem to still ahve 'Fat glasses', as DH calls them cause I still think I look just as wide, if it wern't for the holes and I might think someone was switching up the jeans at night just to make me think I am getting thinner! (only 1 inch to go for the proper waistline!)

On other news, I am baking up a storm, we ran out of chocolate, and BOA has to be crazy to think I want to open up a savings account for a whopping .5% interest! I would be losing money if I took it from ING even with the $25 bonus!

K I must be crazy, I went to a friends tupperware party last night, mainly cause they are fun (with the right tuppergal) and because I do love the reusability/my kids can't break it...I took an order from my mom and bought some bowls for the kids (no not a need a want, we have two non breakable, if breakfast is cereal, dinner of chilli, I have to do dishes in the middle of the day-terrible problem .) Oh and yes it was fun

While there I saw a thing I REALLY Really want (really) It is a rollie cooler, perfect for taking to the pool when I am loaded with towels and three kids (one of whom can't walk) and of course dinner and drinks and snack so we can spend the whole evening.

Her website

Only problem, of course you have to have a 400$ party and two bookings to get it...I hate that part!

Oh well I am going to buy myself some of the other things I want in the catalog, and we are doing a 'fondu' party (which I love, and do not own a fondu pot..so...we have to do it the tupperware way, I buy the ingredients, she brings the pot and recipie

It should be fun at any rate.

So we have surrendered, i am allergic to the state, and those ionizer filter thingies say they will help. We are willing to try.

DH got one that has a cleanable filter, which is great, but it cost $40 more than the other brand. The filters are $20 each, so apparently the upgrade will 'pay for itself' and supposing the thing does its job, keeping me healthy, it will definatly pay for itself in less 'scripts and more work around here done.

I hope better late than never applies to gardens, cause I just today put it in!

We put in zuccinni, peppers, carrots, and basil. I hope some of it grows at least.

I am rather proud of myself, I might be late, but I did it..... I think this months challenge to rewrite the inner voice, is really making ithe most effect of all of them. I am getting more done and finding the 'bright side' of life much easier.

Apparently I have allergies, and broncitus, and if you ignore those long enough you get to wheezing, and coughing that doesn't stop...which is a bad thing.

I went from no medications (other than vitamins) to 6!

Well I have to say I am a terrible patient, I am taking 4 of them...I got two cough meds, I only take one and it is fine...I skipped the horse pills.

I also got a script for anti asthma meds, I don't have asthma! So I am skipping it for now....

I got some sort of nose spray and that works.

I am taking the antibiotics and the singulair for allergies, and one of the cough meds. It seems to be helping, it no longer hurts to breath...I am just SUPER tired, I mean If I stop moving I wil be asleep in seconds! (I tested it several times today,a nd I am serious!)

UE decided to sleep till 4am last night! I was in bed around 10:30, and no troubles or eeps till 4. (when my 4 year old woke me on the way to the potty). DH took care of him, and UE woke to nurse, but then it was back to sleep till JC got up for the day (630ish? but I didn't really get up till 7)

The best things in life are free, I still can't breath without pain, but at least I got rest before I tackle the day!

Course you know 5 years ago I couldn't imagine being happy about 'sleeping in' till 4am!

I found an interesting website (thru flylady) called

The Brat Factor"

And it hit me, I wouldn't allow my kids to act the way I do sometimes!

The site tells us to name our brat and apparently play games to get her to behave (or him for the guys). I dunno that I want to do that, but I peeked at an 'actual progress report' And I realized how many of those phrases I have said.

"I am sick and I need (fill in the blank)"
"It's not fair (fill in blank) gets to do (fill in other blank)"

Good grief I am a brat! I can just see that flying with one of my kids:

Kid: "Mommy, I gotta booboo, I need chocolate"

Me: "No but you can have a kiss, too much chocolate is not good for you"

Kid: "But I want chocolate!"

Me: " I know I like chocoalte too, but it isn't going to help your booboo."

See at no point would I even dream of giving my kid chocolate (or anything else) just cause they were sick! Myself on the other hand I gladly hand over chocolate (pirate MnMs!) along with dinner out, and numerous other wasted money/bad for the health things.

I think my inner brats name might be Lazy!

UE just finished a whole banana, a normal sized banana..well there was one small bit left, not even a whole bite for me.

I feed my kids till they are full, and man does that take a lot of food!

Last apointment GMC actually lost a bit of weight (2lb), there is no way I can be worried about it though, he eats as much as I do! It was prolly a scale differernce. Or because last time he was in he was sick, not moving as much, still eating.

JC is rather a 'nromal' eater..we tend to think of it as small, but it is actually more than the average..(she eats slightly less than a kids meal, GMC eats slightly more) Apparently UE is folowing in his big brothers footsteps, meaning I can envision the grocery bill in 13 years...It will be higher than my mortgage!!!

I have been feeling like I was wearing a corset on my lungs for a week or two, and now I have a horrid hack to go with it.

We took UE to the Doc for the hack, and got albuteral for him, Doc said he was allergic to this spring, prolly not for life, but definatly this year.

So If I just have allergies, I can tough it out, but if I am sick, I am putting my kids at risk of getting it by not getting meds...

I hate that delema.

I don't want DH to have to take a day off work for me to see a doc to hear 'yep allergic to spring'...but I also am having a bit of trouble walking and such when I can't breath right...

I wonder if I spelled that right?

I wonder if there is some inner monster requiring me to self inflic torture Monday morning! Why would I schedule cjanging sheets on the day I always have the most laundry (catch up from not doing it Saturday or Sunday)

I wonder what possessed me to rearange my kids bedrooms on a Saturday night! I know why I did it, but the when is escaping me, and the leftover 'find room for me' piles are here, Monday morning! Just what I ddin't need!

I wonder if Sunday and a break is really that important? I seem to lose my momentum over the weekend,a nd have trouble getting it back. I think next Saturday I am going ot do my normal work, instead of taking a break with DH. (well not that you can take a break form the parenting stuff, just the housekeeping)

So I am now in my 4th outfit for the day!!!!

I started with church clothes..I just can't do kids and a skirt all day.

So then I had normal clothes..Till my youngest peed on me!

Then I went with PJs, giving up on the day....till my youngest puked on me!

Now I am in DHs PJs! wonder how long it will least?

I also wonder if in 'cost of having a kid' they include cost of extra laundry, extra wear and tear on the clothes, and extra carpet cleaner!

Edit to note: Several comments about the survey being closed now, thanks for letting us know

......

We saw a survey at our pediatricians last visit for 5 bucks, there was a website to visit. Well procrastination did us in, I just finally got the paper out to go to the website and it says it is for people who visited the Doc in the last 3 days!

I certainly didn't!

but if any of you have (or if you want to book mark it for when you do go)

survey site

There was another one, but I lost it

in case it wants you to start at the begining the actual address on the brochore is:

www.healthysurvey.com/hac947

And no where on it does it say anything about not telling others, so I don't think I am breaking any fine print by sharing....

The poker chips, I lost all my chips playing last night, and then got more, and more, and more! Finnally when there were no more chips to be taken from the case, I called it quits!

DH on the other hand came up the winner! We never play cash cause all my losing would ruin his winnings! (at home, he plays money online, and wins....but no money from me)

Oops, I mean I have a wonderful dinner and snacks planned for tonight, they just happen to have nothing to do with Cinqo De Mayo!

I don't have a clue how to spanish up roast and potatos....

Nor how you are supposed to decorate for it should you want to?....